About The Author

In 1983, David graduated from the Grady School of Journalism at the University of Georgia. As a student he was also seen skulking around the English Department clutching tattered copies of Vonnegut novels. When asked to comment, one administrator pointed out, “You try to keep your standards high, but every once in a while one of ‘em slips through the cracks.”

While in college David co-authored a comic strip for the daily campus newspaper, The Red & Black. “Comfortable Ignorance” won Best Feature Award from the Georgia Press Association which just goes to show that even a college student of limited means can be successful at bribery as long as he selects the right brand of scotch.

David is little more than a poor excuse for a father even though considered childlike by those who know him best. Although rare, his most meaningful interaction with the children usually involves fighting for control of the family’s PlayStation.

With the exception of several forgettable stints as an advertising lackey, the years following college have been a long, fruitless march of career misfires and utter failures. After a disastrous turn in the greeting card business (who would have guessed that there wasn’t really an untapped market for comical sympathy cards) David turned to day trading in the get-rich-quick ‘90s. Armed with day-old stock quotes from discarded newspapers, a rotary-dial phone and no business savvy whatsoever, David quickly lost his shirt, a pair of argyle socks and his left shoe.

Unsuitable for a career in the real world, David has turned his sights to writing. “My doctor recently insisted that I stop banging my head against the wall so I started writing this column instead. It seems to offer the same type of stimulation, but with slightly less brain damage,” notes the author sporting a crooked grin and a drool-stained t-shirt. A licensed psychiatrist has recently certified that David presents the ideal personality to pursue the masochistic endeavor of writing a humor column.

© 2005 David Theall