Looking At The Positive Side of Drought

Everybody is always looking at the negative side of things. Below, I have listed a few of the benefits and opportunities that go along with a long-term drought.

1. Leaf season will be much easier this year. Just point the leaf blower at your dried leaves and they turn to powder.

2. Fewer bloodsucking mosquitoes means less exposure to carcinogenic DEET.

3. Cancel that useless flood insurance policy.

4. Tsunami threat level at an all-time low.

5. Unemployed landscapers and weathermen find new jobs in the well-digging business.

6. Sell your lawnmower and buy a camel for the kids to ride.

7. Conserve water by drinking more beer and showering with a partner.

8. Replace your dead shrubs with cacti and watch the fun when the wild bunnies try to nibble on a prickly pear.

9. Driving a dirty car is finally considered chic.

10. Plan an outdoor wedding and skip the tent rental.

11. Gutters full of leaves; no worries.

What's in a name?

The Greensboro City Council has recently decided on a name change for our fair city. It seems that too many visitors have been disappointed by our drought-stricken landscape.

After a long debate, it was finally decided to adopt a name that is more accurately descriptive of our current environs. With a nod to the Old West, the name "Dry Gulch" will be replacing Greensboro on all maps, web sites and promotional materials.