A Checkered Past

Recently, it has come to light that I have a dark spot on my past. Even though the election is over and even though I was not a candidate for any public office, I think I should clear the air on this matter.

Technically, yes, I am an axe murderer, although I prefer to say "reformed axe murderer." Life is never simple and there's much more to the story so I'd like a chance to elaborate.

When I was in high school, I was cast in a rather avant-garde play about an itinerant lumberjack gone mad. I happened to own a flannel shirt which was kind of rare in Florida so I got the part. I was told that the axe was a fake, made of rubber.

The crew included a special effects guy who was considered quite handy with the fake blood and after my first swing in rehearsal, I figured he was a genius. The blows to fellow cast members seemed so realistic that I was amazed. Well, it seems that the prop guy wasn't very bright and there was a bit of a mix-up with the axe.

To make matters worse, the director kept yelling "cut! cut!" and things just got out of hand. Needless to say, I didn't get a very good grade in drama that semester.