I am a lineman for the....

As a spectator at my daughter's soccer game I was pressed into duty as a lineman this weekend. Unlike the hero in Glenn Campbell's song, there is nothing poetic about running up and down the sideline of a soccer game and calling out which team gets the ball when it goes out of bounds.

I had no uniform and therefore no respect. Parents on both teams were oblivious to the fact that I needed a little space to do my job. I was constantly tripping over coolers, lawn chairs and toddlers.

Quite a few parents were unaware that I was appointed substitute line judge and simply mistook me for a rabid fan with too much energy. Some folks offered me a chair while others commented that I more closely resembled a door than a window.

All in all I did a lousy job. I frequently found myself 20 or more yards from a call I was supposed to make because I had momentarily lapsed into spectator mode abandoning my official duties.

It is also difficult to remain objective when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your child's team deserves to win more than any other team in the universe. Add to that the fact that sometimes two opposing players will kick a ball at the exact same time and it flies out of bounds. How do you make that call?

In the end I made no friends on either side of the ball. I do feel confident that my efforts on the sideline generated several angry letters to the GYSA (Greensboro Youth Soccer Association) demanding a full compliment of legitimate officials at all games.