Fluoride Reprieve

The City of Greensboro has run out of fluoride and the uninformed in the community are worried about dental health. Those of us in the know couldn't be happier.

When the government started adding fluoride to our drinking water, a respected scientist (I can't remember his name) discovered that this substance was actually developed by the KGB for use in mind control experiments. Fluoride, when administered over a long period of time, makes our brains more susceptible to brainwashing. This allows the government to broadcast their messages of obedience while sapping us of our free will.

Today, for the first time in many years, I was able to remove my foil helmet without hearing the voices. All of a sudden I can't understand why we didn't elect Ross Perot as President? And what the hell are we doing in Iraq? And forget about Global Warming, doesn't anybody realize that the govenment is actually selling huge chunks of our polar ice cap to aliens from an overheated planet?

Let's get moving, people, before they discover a replacement for fluoride. And whatever you do, don't brush your teeth!