Strong Metallic Taste

Judging by that telltale sign, the Wife must have upped my dose of arsenic again. Without fail, I notice this drastic change in her behavior whenever I bring up the subject of spending any amount of money on my boat. She would almost prefer flushing our cash straight down the Eljer.

We've been through all this before. Usually, a back rub plus a turn at the dinner dishes and my tastebuds return to normal.

Even if you take finances out of the equation, my wife is not very fond of the boat. No amount of logic can convince her that one of the kids isn't doomed to unwittingly part with their Coast-Guard Approved Life Jacket, forget that they know how to swim and sink like a stone in 75 feet of murky water.

My children, on the other hand, love boating almost as much as I do. The Cool Breeze seats up to ten, so we usually take the extended family: grandmother, aunts, uncle and a stray cousin or two. My brother-in-law has a jet-ski and we all have fun going out on the lake on the weekends. A picnic lunch, a little sunshine, some swimming in the lake, a few turns on the tube or kneeboard and you have a recipe for some good, clean, family fun. As the perfect end to a perfect day; take a dinner trip to the nearby Hillbilly Hideaway and tackle the lake hungries with a hearty, rib-stickin' country cookin' meal.

Elements of this theme appeal to my wife, but she remains a reluctant boater. She is fond of the sun, but not the water. She has grudgingly ridden in the tube, but the kneeboard and waterskis are not up for discussion. She is the lone holdout in total family acceptance of this particular leisure activity.

Before you waste your time getting all impressed about the glamorous life of a speedboat captain, this vessel is over fifteen years old and, for a boat, that's pushing it. It's a 20' bowrider with an inboard/outboard V8. The vinyl cushions are showing their age and I have had to repair some soft spots in the floor. There was the replacement starter, new carpet, a cover, a bimini top, plus the water toys. All in all the amount I have spent goes well beyond my winning eBay bid. These items were purchased over the course of a couple years and often includes the use of gift certificates received for birthdays and Christmas. I have had two good seasons with this boat, but I now believe that it may have been wiser to buy something with a little less fatigue.

Right now the Cool Breeze is little more than a party barge without a party. It will float and you can play the stereo, but it isn't going anywhere under it's own power.

Last week I had the misfortune to discover water in one of the cylinders. Not to get too technical, but the process that takes place in the cylinders, which is crucial to propulsion, is known as combustion. This is usually accomplished with the compression of a carefully metered fuel-air mixture and a precisely timed electrical discharge arcing between two tiny pieces of metal at the end of a spark plug. Introduce water into the process and it isn't quite as efficient. Water stubbornly refuses to ignite and now nobody is happy, least of all me.

My suspicion is a blown head gasket, but I am far from expert. Once you get beyond changing the oil and replacing spark plugs, I am over my head and sinking fast.

My fear is that the cost of rebuilding the motor will exceed my initial nautical investment. I paid very little for this vessel because I wasn't sure if the family would like boating. There was also the obstacle of not having much money in the first place.

So maybe it wasn't the best purchase I ever made. I will readily admit to being an eBay idiot. In addition to the questionable judgment of buying a boat, nearly sight unseen from a stranger three states away, I have purchased jewelry for my wife, a car for my daughter and various other items that normal people inspect in person before tendering their cash.

I do not know the fate of the Cool Breeze, but I am exploring several options. The most promising idea is configuring a new powerplant with a giant rubber band. I'll let you know how it turns out.