Lucky Numbers

Unless you were smart enough or lucky enough to play 05-07-40-45-54 in tonight's big lottery you might as well use your ticket to blow your nose. (For you out-of-state readers, this is North Carolina's first Power Ball). You see, I have a system and it's a sure bet.

Here is how you pick winning numbers: The first digit is determined by the number of broken crack pipes you walk over on your way into the convenience store. Next is the number of homeless people in front of you in the ticket line. After that, it's the number of fluid ounces in the bottle of King Cobra Malt Liquor favored by most of the store's patrons. Next is the caliber of the weapon hidden under the check-out counter. And finally, the IQ of the clerk selling you the ticket.

Ahhh...the glamour of it all!